X is for Xendochy




 

 

Xendochy – (n.) an attitude of kindness to strangers X was a hard letter for me. I searched and researched and searched some more until I found a word beginning with X that would work with my series on Autism Spectrum Disorder. I almost went with Xany which according to the Merriam-Webster dictionary is an adjective meaning wild or overly energetic. To me, that word should be spelled withaZ-zany.

Then a little further down the list I lit upon Xenodochy. Again I dove into the Merriam Webster dictionary for a definition. Xenodochy is a noun meaning an attitude of kindness to strangers.

How does this fit with my journey with B and J?

I read an article in Human Parts on Medium by Marie Myung-ok Lee the other day. It was her story about her family, a mom, a dad, and their 19-yearold autistic son, making a journey from the East Coast to the West and back. The author of the article really hammered people in the south for saying “bless you” when they realized the teen was on the spectrum. She said her son didn’t need our blessings.

At first, this made me angry. I, personally, say “bless you” at least two or three times a day. We are in the Bible Belt, after all. Blessing people is what most of us do. Yes, “bless your heart” can have many meanings—everything from an honest, heartfelt wish for God to bless this person to a nasty, sarcastic “you are not worth my time” and beyond. Tone of voice and context change the meanings of many things we say.

But after calming down and dismissing my knee-jerk reaction, I re-read the article. I saw what the mom was actually saying. The people she encountered were mouthing empty platitudes. They weren’t offering blessings; they were offering pity.

Our cubs don’t need your pity. They need your acceptance, your understanding, and your love.

We, as the parents and grandparents of a cub on the autism spectrum, don’t need your pity, either. We have our very special cubs. We could occasionally use a bit of help, a little timeout for ourselves, but what parent couldn’t?

Xenodochy means to have an attitude of kindness to strangers. Isn’t that what we are supposed to do, anyway? Just because our cubs are different, they are not less. Yes, they require extra work on the part of the parent for a longer time. But really, as parents, do we ever truly quit worrying about our children or quit trying to make their lives easier? Mine are all grown and I still help when and where I can. We never stop being parents whether our children are on the spectrum or not.

We need to all embrace Xenodochy. Remember the Golden Rule: Treat everyone as you want to be treated. And God Bless You!

GLENDA THOMPSON, aka Grandma Bear, resides in Charlotte where she is hard at work on the second novel in a series about Texas Rangers with dark secrets. She is also writing a series on Autism for the Pleasanton Express. These are a combination of research and personal experiences.

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