Peaches, Potties and Powerful Kings



Most obese people are full of it, and they don’t even know it. Let me explain. Though it is true that obese people tend to be full of excuses on why they are unable to lose weight, what I discovered in my own weight loss journey was that they are even fuller of misinformation about healthy weight loss… that, and they are also incredibly full of poop.

One of my favorite biblical stories of all time is the story of how Ehud stabbed King Eglon in his fat belly. Now, before you jump to the perilous conclusion that I am indeed a psycho… again, let me explain. Ehud was a shrewd lefthanded man chosen by God to deliver the people of Israel. Eglon was the grossly obese tyrant king who oppressed the people of Israel. So, our boy, Ehud, tricks the evil King Eglon into having a private meeting with him. He does this in a very Trojan Horse kind of way by bringing tribute to King Eglon and telling him that he has a secret message for him. Once all the servants have been sent away, and the two are alone, he slays the wicked Eglon by plunging his secret dagger into the king’s fat belly. The peculiar ending to this victory is that Ehud’s dagger gets lost inside of Eglon’s fat, and the verse concludes by saying that the poop came out of him. The painted truth of this story is that of a valiant hero defeating a tyrant king who is full of fat and full of poop. The poetic truth of this story is that we are all both our own Ehud and Eglon at the same time, and the only way to be free of our own tyranny is to courageously stab the belly of our own self-deception with the dagger of unflattering honesty.

But the very basic health lesson we learn in this story (and by studying rudimentary gastroenterology) is that fat people are full of poop. I know this sounds incredibly insensitive to say, but one of the pillars of wisdom I uncovered while excavating the ruins of my own obesity was that the sewer of my intestines was congested. This turned out to be one of the primary reasons why I could not lose weight. Though I valiantly tried to shed those pounds, my backed up sewer was sabotaging my efforts.

The simplest way to clean out the sewer of your body is with water. Little did I know, not all water is created equal. I quickly learned that my body eschewed most drinking water by excreting it instead of absorbing it. The best kinds of drinking water that I found were bottled waters from Iceland or Hawaii. Their unique volcanic mineral concentrations not only make them yummy, but also bioavailable for proper hydration. I found both the Hawaiian Fiji and Icelandic Nice! brands of water at my local Walgreens. However, I was still searching for another way to hydrate that might be more eco-friendly. What I didn’t know is that I had already discovered it.

Behold the power of the peach. During the season of my weight loss, I started buying peaches at my local H-E-B and eating them voraciously. I had no idea how healthy they were. In fact, for me, they were just another form of comfort food. But then I started losing weight in leaps and bounds, and as I investigated the matter, I found that peaches were the dagger that my fat belly needed. Not only are they full of water and fiber to help clean out your body’s sewer, a recent study at A&M also revealed that peaches and other stone fruits have powerful antiobesity, anti-inflammatory, and anti-diabetic properties. That is to say that peaches are the jackpot of weight loss.

As a spiritual person, I find this fascinatingly refreshing. So often, we are taught that life has to be this sort of self-flagellating torture chamber, and the gurus of weight loss tend to teach the same legalistic nonsense. But the truth is found in freely receiving the grace of peaches.

PAUL MICHAEL JONES is an artist who currently dabbles in music, photography and creative writing.

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