What am I thankful for this holiday season? My answers would probably be no different from many of yours. My children. My husband. My family. Good health. A job. When asked, the answers to that question roll off of my tongue without a moment’s hesitation. And, although I mean each answer with all my heart I don’t get any kind of warm and fuzzy feelings just saying them.

To me that question, a beautiful and thoughtful one, has become the holiday version of “How are you?” Yet, another meaningful question with the potential to be one of the most caring inquiries of all times.

But, just as with the “What am I thankful for?” question. I know the drill. Respond quickly with the appropriate response “great”, “good” and maybe stretching it “a little tired”. I know well the sheer terror I could put the questioner in if I were to venture off the acceptable script and say “I am doing just awful. You would not believe my day.” Deer in the headlights and panic stricken would be the normal response from many. And, I understand that completely as I too have been caught casually asking this truly personal question. When the response is not short and sweet, but sad and complicated, my unchecked “to do” lists whirls through my head. I try desperately to reconcile the right thing to do with the desire to flee as quickly as possible. Each time we ask that question we are essentially putting it out there that we want to become connected in some way to that a person.

For me to connect to the thankfulness of this season, it took me asking myself “How am I thankful?” Now, for that question I had no rote response. Nothing universal. I thought about a bunch of little things I do every day Simple gestures of kindness that my mom and dad taught me more through their actions than in words telling me to do so. But, do I show I am thankful daily in any big and grand way? No, not really.

Then, a quote by Mother Teresa which has always been one of my favorites popped into my mind, “We cannot all do great things, but we can do small things with great love.” My mom sent that quote to me on a card. Inside she wrote what a wonderful person she thought I was and other such kind words that it almost hurt to read them because I surely had not always been so wonderful to her.

The little things to show gratitude that I learned from my parents have by now in my life become second nature to me because these lessons were before me every waking minute that I was in their presence. So simple. Be kind and nice to everyone you meet and show genuine interest in their well being.

Coming back to Pleasanton to work three days a week after having moved decades ago, those memories of my parents’ small acts of kindness come flashing back are all around me.

I remember one day being at HEB with my mother as she was checking out. The lady checker whom I did not know asked me how I was doing since my recent surgery. Taken by surprise that this unknown person knew about my “highly personal medical procedure”, I stammered, “just fine.” Barely able to contain myself until we got back in the car I shrieked, “Mom, why in the world would you tell that lady about my surgery?” My mom calmly answered back “because she is my friend.” I fumed in silence thinking “what does she mean friend?” Then more teenage fuming ensued but only in my head because this was the 80s and expressing negative hostility out loud to parents had not yet been invented. Inside dialogue contines, “She isn’t my mom’s friends. Friends come over to your house. They call you on the phone.”

I learned over time that my mother had dozens of “friends” such as these. Going into a store with her, I would wait impatiently while mom and her mystery friends of the moment talked and talked and talked about sometimes light and silly things and often quite deep conversations. “Good Lord!”, I used to think. “Is she lonely or does she just need to hear herself talk.” See, this is what I meant about not always being so wonderful to my mom.

My dad joined in with my mom on connecting with perfect strangers on the street. He wasn’t really the listening kind, but the expression of the first thing that popped in his head type of greeter. Strolling down the street, I would often slump in mortification as my dad would smile broadly and warmly to people commenting with, “Well good morning. Aren’t you just beautiful” or “Hi, How you doing? Isn’t this a glorious day.” or a “What a good looking couple you make?” This never stopped. Rarely, did one of my dad’s unsolicited “welcome to my wonderful world” comments not illicit a sudden flash of a big wide smile from those he just met. Not only was he a generous greeter, he also gave back responses with gusto. To this day when someone asks my dad how he is doing his response is a loud and proud, “simply fantastic.” And, he really means it and it shows.

Now that my brat days are so far, far behind me I watch my parent’s genuine kindness reflect onto the people they encounter. I have seen more smiles in my life than I rightly deserve just from watching people respond to my dad’s “simply fantastic” way of feeling about his daily life. I have learned too from my mom that there are many definitions of the word friend. What a gift to have given me. I have many close friends that are not only dear to me but to my family as well. But, I have more friends most of whom I don’t even know their last names that are known only to me. I run into them now and again during my daily routines. On many occasions, my friendship with these people has turned a less than perfect day into a better one.

So, using my parents “thankfulness” statistics, I did some math on how all those little things can add up to something really big. My parents are both a little over 80, so I rounded that number. I will assume that their goodness started at age 30 because that was the year I was born! So that gives them 50 years each of putting their gratitude into action. There are 365 days in a year and I will give them 65 days off for being less than thankful because after all they aren’t saints. So, to get a sum total of their sharing the love and thankfulness world tour I took the 300 days of the year multiplied by 50 years then times that by two (one for mom and one for dad) and came up with the grand total of 30,000. That means that my parents simple act of showing thankfulness and gratitude in their everyday life had an impact of at the minimum 30,000 people.

So, now “how am I thankful?” takes on a new meaning. I may be doing only little things daily to show my gratitude, but I hope that I will continue to follow in my parent’s footsteps and make great and grand leaps with those baby steps of thanks for all God has given to me.

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Noel Wilkerson Holmes is the daughter of co-publishers Bill and Judy Wilkerson.  She divides her work week between Pleasanton and Austin where she lives with her husband, Noel (no that is not a typo) and her twin 15 year old sons Will and Zach.